Cranky Old Man – A Poem by …. an Old Man

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When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has … Continue reading →

Genoans honor volunteer Sue Knight

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by Kurt Hildebrand – Editor khildebrand@recordcourier.com / Article from: The Record-Courier I hope Mr Hildebrand won’t mind my posting his article here on my humble li’l  blog?? This lady Sue, is my cousin and I was very pleased to read the article when it was passed on to me by my folks! In the 14 years that Sue Knight has lived in Genoa, the adjective that comes to mind to describe her is “ubiquitous.” Whether welcoming E. Clampus Vitus to the town church or hoofing it up the new Sierra Creek Trail, you can’t throw a rock in Nevada’s oldest … Continue reading →

Polar Bear: I come in peace….Unbelievable

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Norbert Rosing’s striking images of a wild polar bear coming upon tethered sled dogs in the wilds of Canada ‘s Hudson Bay . The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his dogs when the polar bear wandered in. It’s hard to believe that this polar bear only needed to hug someone! The Polar Bear returned every night that week to play with the dogs. May you always have love to share, Health to spare, And friends that care And…I just loved this… At 120 degrees in Australia , it was so hot for a … Continue reading →

Who knew – Cannon Balls!!!

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It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem — how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a … Continue reading →

A SHORT LOVE STORY

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A man and a woman who had never met  before, but who were both married to other  people, found themselves assigned to the same  sleeping room on a trans-continental  train. Though  initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired  and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the  lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned  down and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m  sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach  into the closet to get me a second  blanket?  I’m awfully cold.” “I have a better … Continue reading →

Two planes landed in England the other day

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Wayne Rooney has just negotiated a £30,000 PER WEEK rise on top of his already grotesquely enormous contract. Two planes landed in England the other day:   One carried a group of grotesquely over-paid, immature, under-achieving football players, who complained they were tired and missed their families after two weeks in five-star accommodations.     The other carried the coffins of 7 fallen soldiers who had spent months away from loved ones, living in tents in a war zone; they couldn’t complain. These soldiers earn £15k to £30k a year, not a day. If you believe that the England team … Continue reading →

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)..

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Heard it before?? Ok – but it’s still a bit of a chuckle! ****** FROM  ROLLS-ROYCE STAFF MAGAZINE ****** Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers. When the gun … Continue reading →

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

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A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?” The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.” The drunk … Continue reading →

OLD people have problems that you haven’t even considered yet!

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Ok – so you read it before – others may not have!! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’ The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but … Continue reading →

IDIOT SIGHTING 4: A Local Garage (not near us as far as I know!)

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When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already did that side.’

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IDIOT SIGHTING 3 – Government Employee

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The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’ She is a government employee in Adelaide P.O.

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Leaving Work Early

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Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they watched the boss leave work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early…she did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. … Continue reading →

Only An Aussie Can Make You Feel Like A Woman

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(Disclaimer – I was sent this and it just made me chuckle! NO offense intended to any person, living or dead or thinking about either!) A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful and things went from bad to worse. One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, ‘I’m too young to die,’ she cried. Then she yelled, ‘If I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?’ For a … Continue reading →

The Green Thing (Read it before? Ne’r mind!! Have another look!!)

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Checking out at Tesco, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment. The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.” The cashier responded, “That’s our problem  today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.” She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the shop. The shop sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, … Continue reading →

IDIOT SIGHTING 1

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We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’ We haven’t used that repairman since. Happened in Ipswich , Qld.

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CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARD BEFORE YOU DIE ……. JUST PRICELESS

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Mastercard, Absolutely Priceless ….. CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARD BEFORE YOU DIE ……. Reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle Recently: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless; and it’s so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this last September, and MBNA bank billed her in October and November for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then in December added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance that had been £0.00, now is somewhere around – £60.00. A family member … Continue reading →

Jubilee Fly Past

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Incredible footage has been released showing the bird’s eye view enjoyed by crew aboard a Lancaster bomber flying over London for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations. The aeroplane, which is part of the RAF’s Battle of Britain Memorial Flight (BBMF), flew in formation with aircraft including a Spitfire, Hurricane and Dakota transport aircraft down The Mall, followed by the Red Arrows aerobatic team – to the delight of crowds and the Royal Family at Buckingham Palace below. As well as preserving a fleet of priceless aircraft and keeping them in tip-top flying condition, the BBMF reminds the nation of the … Continue reading →

Happily Married!!

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An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life” Neighbours feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked “Aren’t … Continue reading →

Stud Rooster

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This may well be an old joke, but it certainly brought a smile to my face!! A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, ‘OK Old fart, time for you to retire..’ The old rooster replies, ‘Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?’ The young rooster says, ‘Beat it: You are washed up and I am … Continue reading →

Perils of a religious Upbringing…

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As I walked down the busy pavement with my dear wife, knowing we were late for church, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days. Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them. Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person. Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured … Continue reading →

Seniors Banking… PRICELESS!!

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Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been … Continue reading →

Attitude is everything!

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 Your attitude towards life defines not only who you are, But the quality of life you have. You can’t do what?? Have you ever seen more beautiful smiles than these? Forgive me when I whine, with eyes to see the sunset glow, feet to Take me wherever I go, and hands to hold the dearest to me,,,, the world truly is mine. Anything bugging you today? “Life isn’t about waiting for the thunderstorm to pass; it’s about Learning to dance in the rain” Anonymous

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Top TV Series – great well produced programs!

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  The State of Play – recently watched here as it was missed when it first came out – SUPERB! Great story well written and very well performed – Bill Nighy is, once again, a treat to watch! Other TV series’ included here – also watched and thoroughly enjoyed! Amazon.co.uk Widgets

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WW2 – Charlie Brown and Franz Stigler incident

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This story came in an email – with a slight proviso at the beginning here. Subject: Re: FW: A great story from WW11Well we did this one before….. it’s basically TRUE, although some of the prose has been coloured (never let the facts get in the way of a good story!!). One bit that’s not true is the B17 was already heading to England before the ME109 came along side so someone has embellished it a bit. Regards, Debunker. The whole story is on the video link below the text. I add it here because it’s a great story. The … Continue reading →

Farmer John’s Chickens

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Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing my chickens.” “What do you want us to do?” asked the policeman. “I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!” So the next day the policeman had the Main Road’s … Continue reading →

Pork Chops…………..or not!

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In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Looks like a dateline of 2004 on this story, but a great story anyway! Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, Although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress … Continue reading →