The Green Thing (Read it before? Ne’r mind!! Have another look!!)

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Checking out at Tesco, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment. The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.” The cashier responded, “That’s our problem  today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.” She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the shop. The shop sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, … Continue reading →

IDIOT SIGHTING 1

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We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’ We haven’t used that repairman since. Happened in Ipswich , Qld.

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CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARD BEFORE YOU DIE ……. JUST PRICELESS

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Mastercard, Absolutely Priceless ….. CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARD BEFORE YOU DIE ……. Reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle Recently: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless; and it’s so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this last September, and MBNA bank billed her in October and November for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then in December added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance that had been £0.00, now is somewhere around – £60.00. A family member … Continue reading →

Jubilee Fly Past

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Incredible footage has been released showing the bird’s eye view enjoyed by crew aboard a Lancaster bomber flying over London for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations. The aeroplane, which is part of the RAF’s Battle of Britain Memorial Flight (BBMF), flew in formation with aircraft including a Spitfire, Hurricane and Dakota transport aircraft down The Mall, followed by the Red Arrows aerobatic team – to the delight of crowds and the Royal Family at Buckingham Palace below. As well as preserving a fleet of priceless aircraft and keeping them in tip-top flying condition, the BBMF reminds the nation of the … Continue reading →

Happily Married!!

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An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life” Neighbours feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked “Aren’t … Continue reading →

Stud Rooster

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This may well be an old joke, but it certainly brought a smile to my face!! A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, ‘OK Old fart, time for you to retire..’ The old rooster replies, ‘Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?’ The young rooster says, ‘Beat it: You are washed up and I am … Continue reading →

Perils of a religious Upbringing…

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As I walked down the busy pavement with my dear wife, knowing we were late for church, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days. Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them. Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person. Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured … Continue reading →

Seniors Banking… PRICELESS!!

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Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been … Continue reading →

Attitude is everything!

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 Your attitude towards life defines not only who you are, But the quality of life you have. You can’t do what?? Have you ever seen more beautiful smiles than these? Forgive me when I whine, with eyes to see the sunset glow, feet to Take me wherever I go, and hands to hold the dearest to me,,,, the world truly is mine. Anything bugging you today? “Life isn’t about waiting for the thunderstorm to pass; it’s about Learning to dance in the rain” Anonymous

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Top TV Series – great well produced programs!

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  The State of Play – recently watched here as it was missed when it first came out – SUPERB! Great story well written and very well performed – Bill Nighy is, once again, a treat to watch! Other TV series’ included here – also watched and thoroughly enjoyed! Amazon.co.uk Widgets

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WW2 – Charlie Brown and Franz Stigler incident

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This story came in an email – with a slight proviso at the beginning here. Subject: Re: FW: A great story from WW11Well we did this one before….. it’s basically TRUE, although some of the prose has been coloured (never let the facts get in the way of a good story!!). One bit that’s not true is the B17 was already heading to England before the ME109 came along side so someone has embellished it a bit. Regards, Debunker. The whole story is on the video link below the text. I add it here because it’s a great story. The … Continue reading →

Farmer John’s Chickens

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Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing my chickens.” “What do you want us to do?” asked the policeman. “I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!” So the next day the policeman had the Main Road’s … Continue reading →

Pork Chops…………..or not!

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In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Looks like a dateline of 2004 on this story, but a great story anyway! Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, Although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress … Continue reading →

Tech Support:

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Tech Support:      ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop. Customer:             ‘OK.’ Tech Support:      ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’ Customer:             ‘No.’ Tech Support:      ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’ Customer:             ‘No.’ Tech Support:      ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’  Customer:            ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’

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Jequirity bean bracelets …… an alert

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I received an email from a friend of mine yesterday. I add it here for information and having looked online this looks like a genuine situation. How do these things get through and what about the folks who MAKE them?? Hmm! Does anyone else have information about this? Anyway – take a look and download the information PDF here. Dear All, This message is for general staff information. The NHS has issued a warning to consumers regarding a poisonous bracelet which has been sold at outlets across the UK (please see attached). The distinctive red and black bracelets are made … Continue reading →

IAM – A Skill for Life

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When I joined Unicorn Courtesy Cars, the Weymouth based Chauffeured car Service, I was expected to become a member of the IAM. I’m very glad I was. Having been a member of IAM for several years now, I would urge anyone who drives to at least attend these meetings. The best thing for driving that I have EVER done was to attend these meetings and join the IAM. The benefits to driving skills and personal confidence, and….yes sanity while driving…ok – how to prevent stress, is in the content of these talks given by a serving member of the police … Continue reading →

The Love Dress.

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A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her Daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of  perfume filled the room. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked. ‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ The daughter-in-law answered. ‘ But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed. ‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained. ‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’ ‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained. ‘Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly … Continue reading →

A Scotsman appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

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“Have you ever done anything in your life of particular merit?”, St. Peter asked. “Well, I can think of one thing”, the Scotsman replied. “On a trip to the outskirts of Glasgow , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I asked them to leave her alone but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the s – – t … Continue reading →

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed

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It is reported to have been listed in the Cornish Guardian. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.. Call 01272-6420 and ask for Annie, I’ll be waiting….. My Photo is Here               … Continue reading →

Negativity “Parable”

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This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable. A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty.. You’re crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great … Continue reading →

Shampoo warning

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Please share the following information with your friends. I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out before !!!!! I wash my hair in the shower and the shampoo runs down over my whole body. Printed very clearly on the label is the following warning: “FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY.” No WONDER I have been gaining weight!!! Well, I have got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dish Washing Liquid instead. Its label reads, “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.” Problem solved! If I don’t answer the phone . .. . I’ll be … Continue reading →

Wild Turkey and Coke On A Tuesday Morning

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An email from david at David the Letterman.com came in passing on this little gem! Glad I wasn’t driving! “I had to go to Harrison this morning and saw this Coke truck sitting on the side of the road. When I got close to it I could see what was wrong and turned around to go make sure the driver was OK; he was fine. I told him he should get a medal for keeping the truck on the road and not having a major accident. You’ll see why in one of the pictures. I guess he wanted a little … Continue reading →

“Have a good day, Sir” said the policeman .

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A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car  salesroom.  Taking off down the motorway, He  floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing  through what little hair he had  left. “Amazing!” he thought as  he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the  metal even more.  Looking in his rear view  mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights  flashing and siren blaring. “I can  get away from him – no problem!”  thought the  elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120mph,then 130mph  then 140mph   Suddenly, he thought, “What on  … Continue reading →

A Dog Named Faith

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This came in as an email to me and I just thought it was a good point to pass on. Read to the end… “Be kind, for everyone you meet is engaged in a great struggle.” Philo of Alexandria This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002. He was born with 2 legs – He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him. His first owner also did not think that he could survive and he was thinking of ‘putting him to sleep’. But then, his present owner, Jude … Continue reading →

Meet Molly, she’s a gray speckled pony abandoned by her owners

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A most heartwarming story—beats the heck out of murders, politics and terrorists!!! She’s a gray speckled pony who was abandoned by her owners when Hurricane Katrina hit southern Louisiana . She spent weeks on her own before finally being rescued and taken to a farm where abandoned animals were stockpiled. While there, she was attacked by a dog and almost died. Her gnawed right front leg became infected, and her vet went to LSU for help, but LSU was overwhelmed, and this pony was a welfare case. You know how that goes. But after surgeon Rustin Moore met Molly, he … Continue reading →

The Two Second Rule – Drive Safely

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Some time ago I applied to drive for an excellent company, Unicorn Courtesy Cars. One stipulation was that I take the Advanced Motorist test. The IAM Organisation offers advanced training to motorists and motorcyclists. In the South Dorset area we have meetings available twice a year to show prospective candidates what is involved and what would be expected. These meetings are in spring and autumn and dates can be checked with the Dorset IAM website. ANY young driver should take this test, it’s well worth it. In fact ALL drivers SHOULD take the test. There are MANY advantages and none … Continue reading →

Annual apology

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Over the past few months I have probably forwarded some inappropriate pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humour.. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow.. If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies. Looking to 2012 onward, I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics. Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It … Continue reading →