Category Archives: All sorts

Cranky Old Man – A Poem by …. an Old Man

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When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has … Continue reading →

My Quarantine Diary

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Several people have asked me “how I am doing” – well here goes! Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month! Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last! Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds – Who Knew?? Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas. Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!! Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. … Continue reading →

Really Conflicting Information

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Good day to you I really hope you have had a great summer, despite the appalling weather! I have to say that I am pleased I no longer farm because the harvest has been a total pain….Back to school for the youngsters now so we start to emerge on our day trips to various places we love to visit. Just before the weekend now I picked up on a post out in the Facebook area that is used for people involved with building businesses and teams with Simply Naturals. I could not believe what I was seeing!! Over the years … Continue reading →

The Daffodil Principle by Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards

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Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come see the daffodils before they are over.” I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. “I will come next Tuesday, ” I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren, I said, “Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except … Continue reading →

Apostrophe catastrophe: How a common punctuation howler drives us to distraction

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Read more Here with the Mail Online You don’t have to go to the greengrocer’s to spot them. Errant apostrophes are springing up everywhere. And while their misuse is among our most common grammatical mistakes, it is also the most annoying. Nearly half of those given a short punctuation test were unable to use the apostrophe properly. A classic example below and it would appear that the apostrophe showing in the photo below should be elsewhere in the banner!

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WHO PAINTED THESE PICTURES?

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A young man’s dream to be an artist was crushed when his application to enter a fine arts academy was rejected. His broken dream turned into a tragic nightmare for the world . . . So, WHO PAINTED THESE PICTURES? The person who painted these pictures wanted to attend the Vienna Academy of Fine Arts and study to become an artist.  If he had been accepted by the Academy, world history would have been very different. His name was Adolf Hitler

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IDIOT SIGHTING 4: A Local Garage (not near us as far as I know!)

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When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already did that side.’

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IDIOT SIGHTING 3 – Government Employee

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The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’ She is a government employee in Adelaide P.O.

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IDIOT SIGHTING 1

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We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’ We haven’t used that repairman since. Happened in Ipswich , Qld.

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Jubilee Fly Past

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Incredible footage has been released showing the bird’s eye view enjoyed by crew aboard a Lancaster bomber flying over London for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations. The aeroplane, which is part of the RAF’s Battle of Britain Memorial Flight (BBMF), flew in formation with aircraft including a Spitfire, Hurricane and Dakota transport aircraft down The Mall, followed by the Red Arrows aerobatic team – to the delight of crowds and the Royal Family at Buckingham Palace below. As well as preserving a fleet of priceless aircraft and keeping them in tip-top flying condition, the BBMF reminds the nation of the … Continue reading →

Attitude is everything!

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 Your attitude towards life defines not only who you are, But the quality of life you have. You can’t do what?? Have you ever seen more beautiful smiles than these? Forgive me when I whine, with eyes to see the sunset glow, feet to Take me wherever I go, and hands to hold the dearest to me,,,, the world truly is mine. Anything bugging you today? “Life isn’t about waiting for the thunderstorm to pass; it’s about Learning to dance in the rain” Anonymous

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The Love Dress.

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A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her Daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of  perfume filled the room. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked. ‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ The daughter-in-law answered. ‘ But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed. ‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained. ‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’ ‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained. ‘Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly … Continue reading →

A Scotsman appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

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“Have you ever done anything in your life of particular merit?”, St. Peter asked. “Well, I can think of one thing”, the Scotsman replied. “On a trip to the outskirts of Glasgow , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I asked them to leave her alone but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the s – – t … Continue reading →

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed

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It is reported to have been listed in the Cornish Guardian. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.. Call 01272-6420 and ask for Annie, I’ll be waiting….. My Photo is Here               … Continue reading →

Negativity “Parable”

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This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable. A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty.. You’re crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great … Continue reading →

Wild Turkey and Coke On A Tuesday Morning

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An email from david at David the Letterman.com came in passing on this little gem! Glad I wasn’t driving! “I had to go to Harrison this morning and saw this Coke truck sitting on the side of the road. When I got close to it I could see what was wrong and turned around to go make sure the driver was OK; he was fine. I told him he should get a medal for keeping the truck on the road and not having a major accident. You’ll see why in one of the pictures. I guess he wanted a little … Continue reading →

A Dog Named Faith

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This came in as an email to me and I just thought it was a good point to pass on. Read to the end… “Be kind, for everyone you meet is engaged in a great struggle.” Philo of Alexandria This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002. He was born with 2 legs – He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him. His first owner also did not think that he could survive and he was thinking of ‘putting him to sleep’. But then, his present owner, Jude … Continue reading →

Annual apology

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Over the past few months I have probably forwarded some inappropriate pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humour.. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow.. If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies. Looking to 2012 onward, I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics. Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It … Continue reading →

Rectal Thermometer Made by Johnson & Johnson – ok this is a great suggestion!

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Thank you Stephen Marshall for a good chuckle this morning!! To meet Stephen check out his Facebook Profile here. When you have an ‘I Hate My Job’ day [Even if you’re retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the … Continue reading →

A to Z Illusions’ Alphabet Photography, brand new site!

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  The brand NEW version of A to Z Illusions is now LIVE!! Fantastic, fast acting Word Creation app created by Chris Collins who has also done other great work for Finding the Time Web Design. Full shop listing now included with some items available here in UK!! UK pound, Canadian and US Dollars, as well as Euros catered for. UK and Europe items sent from UK

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This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force

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This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force from an angry member of the public A true email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written…… Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service, Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board. As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed … Continue reading →

The Plumber and the Parrot

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A plumber is called to the house of a lady owner to fix a pipe problem under the kitchen sink. “Oh hello – come in and I’ll show you where the problem is. Oh – don’t you mind Spike my dog – he won’t hurt you.” The plumber looked at the powerful, mean looking bulldog that was giving him the eye. “Mind you don’t speak to the parrot whatever you do….” and she left it at that. While the plumber was working under the sink, the bulldog came over and sat quietly beside him. He thought no more about it … Continue reading →

Drive Safely and DON’T drive tired

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There are SO many young people who think they know all there is to driving and car control! I took the IAM test a while ago as part of my training for work as a private hire driver – it was a complete eye-opener and well worth doing. It has totally changed my attitude to driving and I find it a LOT less stressful!! The way many young people drive it should be part of the test to at least sit in on some talks by IAM trained coaches!! See more at the bottom of this post re our local … Continue reading →