Category Archives: Grumpy Old People

Yearly Physical

In the West Country Posted on by

I went to the doctor for a physical. The nurse started with certain basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asked. “150,” I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 200. The nurse asked, “Your height?” “6 foot 1,” I said. The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5′ 11″ She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high. “Of course it’s high!” I screamed, ‘When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!” She put me on Prozac. What … Continue reading →

For the older people! Interesting……………

In the West Country Posted on by

ONE   Recently, I went to McDonald’s and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter. ‘You don’t?’ I replied. ‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the reply. ‘So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’ ‘That’s right.’ So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true…) (Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said … Continue reading →

Exciting new Bupa Programme:

In the West Country Posted on by

You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says they are going to sell your house to pay for your nursing care. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison….. where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re … Continue reading →

Happily Married!!

In the West Country Posted on by

An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life” Neighbours feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked “Aren’t … Continue reading →

Seniors Banking… PRICELESS!!

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Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been … Continue reading →